Ghosts must absolutely despise meI've been obsessed with ghosts since I was a kid. I've explored both the Salesian School in Goshen NY and every single abandoned building in the Middletown NY Psyche center and have found fuck all. Despite this overwhelming lack of any contact I do believe in ghosts and I'll give you 2 stories. The first was the day after my stepmother killed herself. Both my little sister and my father had dreams on that same night. My Stepmother was there telling both of them that everything was ok. She was an incredibly abusive woman but it was her mental issues, it wasn't the true her. I know that she lost her battle with mental illness on that day and the good her, the true her, wanted to make sure my dad and my little sister, the two people she hurt the most, got their closure. I never dreamed of her, I wish I had, I still don't have any sort of closure, but I absolutely believe both of them when they say that she came to them and gave them closure that day. The second thing that happened was a few years later. During all this time my dad told us that she took drugs and "went to sleep painlessly" I'm not stupid I know that's not the case, but my dad insisted it was. He has his own plethora of mental illness and on this day he snapped and told us the details. He told us that she hung herself with a dog-leash. I even know what dog leash she did it with, again I'm not stupid, but the moment he said this, the TV downstairs turned on to static. It was blaringly loud so not only did the tv turn on to a channel that did not exist, the volume was cranked up to max to ensure we all heard it. I'm not sure if that was my stepmom, or my grandma (who lived down there) being fed up with my dads shit but either way, it was extremely obvious that this was paranormal. I spent the rest of my life trying to witness another paranormal event, but despite spending literal days in "The most haunted" places I could find in my area, I saw nothing. As I said I truly do believe in the paranormal so here's my question and the point of this post. Is it possible for ghosts to say "fuck this guy" and just never manifest in any possible way. Do Ghosts just not want to be around me? Can I truly be that toxic. This is pretty close to the anniversary of my stepmom's death. I don't exactly remember the date it happened, everything was a blur after the fact but I know it was close to now... I'd like to witness a paranormal event triggered by me for just once. I still don't know if it's because my stepmom (I prefer to call her mom, she was there more for my life) knew maybe I had thicker skin and would be fine on my own, or if its truly because I'm a piece of shit, ghosts can read on that, and avoid me like the plauge. I just want some closure, and to at least know I'm right. It's not like I'm sticking a camera in their face either. I just want to experience... something. Here's a sattelite view of the 2 buildings in Middletown NY I frequently squatted in. I'd post Goshen NY's Salesian School but it's been demolished. https://imgur.com/a/r4jogFM